So, this is my first ever journal entry that will be public (if I have the nerve to post this).

Where do I even start?

It's friday...

This has been the hardest week of my life. I don't want to sugarcoat anything or hide why I'm in so much pain. I've never felt so lost, depressed, and blamed in my entire life.

Don't get me wrong, I've had a really hard/rough life. But nothing has ever compared to this week.

I had to choose between two things on Monday- doing the right and safe thing, knowing my family would lose everything, or not stand up for my family and risk my mother and maybe myself getting seriously hurt. I chose the right and safe thing. Now, we're losing everything.

Everyone else seems to think I did the right thing and it was the best thing to do, but I feel like all my family's pain, is my fault. I did the right thing, but I'm paying for it.

I don't understand what I did so terrible to deserve the life I've had to live. I don't get it. I really don't. I've tried nonstop for as long as I can remember to do right and rise above the pressure meth has put on me and my life. So why am I paying more than ever, for doing the right thing?
Why?

I wish what happened monday, had never happened.